Meet people where they are

Meet people where they are, before you try to take them where you want to take them.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships in the area of communication is – meeting people where they want to take them emotionally rather than meeting them where they are emotionally. 

Let me explain.  Let’s say your husband walks into the kitchen and says, “I am so upset. I thought Bill would have called me back by now.  He is so irresponsible.”  You respond with, “don’t worry honey, I am sure he will call soon.”  Seems like a simple and innocent enough remark, right?  Wrong.  The wife met her husband where she wanted to take him, which was to - it will be OK, he will call.  But, the husband was in anger, frustration, disappointment, whatever. 

The key rule of communication here is. YOU HAVE TO MEET A PERSON WHERE THEY ARE EMOTIONALLY BEFORE YOU CAN TAKE THEM WHERE YOU WANT TO TAKE THEM.  The wife did not meet her husband where he was, but where she wanted to take him. 

What could the wife have said to meet her husband where he was?  “Honey I know you feel frustrated and disappointed  etc. - OR  Honey, I can feel your frustration or disappointment, you have every right to feel that way (meeting him where he is) but it will be OK, I am sure Bill will call soon. (taking him where she wants to take him)

Let me give you one more quick example.

Your teenage son walks in the house after school, and says, “ Well, I didn’t make the baseball team.” You respond with, don’t worry Tommy, there is always next year.  It all works out for the best.”  Again, innocent enough remark.  Encouraging? Yes.  Hopeful? Yes. Positive? Yes.  But, it meets Tommy where you want to take him, into, it will be OK in the future.  But he is in emotional disappointment.  YOU CAN’T TAKE A PERSON WHERE YOU WANT TO TAKE THEM UNTIL YOU FIRST MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE.

Let’s take another look at this one.  In response to Tommy’s remark you say, “Tommy I know how angry, frustrated (whatever) you are  (meeting him where he is) You worked very hard to make the team, but all your hard work will pay off when you try out again next year.  Don’t lose faith, it will all work out (taking him where she wants to take him.

This is just as true when dealing with employees, customers, friends, siblings, strangers and vendors.

This simple communication technique can dramatically improve the quality of your communication and your relationships.