Is there such a thing as a perfect relationship? If so what does it look like? First let’s define perfect. Perfect –
excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement. Want more?
Flawless, ideal yada, yada, yada.
If you tell me you have a perfect relationship what you are
saying indirectly is that both of you are perfect. Relationships are independent entities that
are created when two people come together whether in marriage or any other type
of arrangement. A relationship can’t be
perfect because everything in nature has flaws or could improve in some
way. Sooner or later we just have to
learn to find joy in an imperfect sunset, mountain vista or child. Ask any grandmother and their grandson is
perfect in every way. Ask anyone in love
and they will say their mate is perfect.
Compared to what? Is it really
perfection or is it our view, attitudes, outlook, experience etc. that makes
things perfect?
Perfection is a perception and perceptions depend on a
variety of factors; age, experience, gender, life outlook, goals and attitudes
to mention just a few. When a lover
looks into the eyes of his or her new love they see only what they want to see
– perfection. They tend to be willing or
able to overlook perceived (personal opinions) flaws or faults in the
beginning. But as time passes many of
these same issues, traits or behaviors can become a source of aggravation and
even conflict.
If all of this mumbo jumbo is true, and I believe it is –my
perception – then there are no such things as perfect relationships just
degrees of perfection based on the people’s willingness to overlook certain
factors.
When I have asked if people have an ideal or perfect
relationship I hear things like:
-He/she understands me.
(All of the time? Every time?
Come on let’s be honest here.)
-We have everything in common. (This can get a little boring
don’t you think!)
-We never argue about anything. (Give me a break.)
-Our relationship is in a good place now. (What about last week or last year?)
-Flexibility and compromise are the bywords of our
relationship. (Every time – right!)
-I love everything about him or her. (Some stuff just hasn’t
surfaced yet, just give it time.)
-We can talk about anything without conflict. (I hate to
call people liars, but.)
So, are there perfect relationships? No, because there are no perfect people. Are there successful relationships? Yes, millions of them. What is the difference between perfect and
successful? Re-read the previous
paragraph and you will now see the difference.
Here, I’ll help you.
- He/she understands me.
(No - he or she doesn’t but can accept you for who you are anyway.)
- We have everything in common. (It is the ability to manage
differences in relationships that counts.)
- We never argue about anything. (We can have conflict without invalidating
each other.)
- Our relationship is in a good place now. (Good is defined as the present. We stay focused on what is
now - not what was,
has been or could be.)
- Flexibility and compromise are the bywords of our
relationship. (We keep our ego in check.)
- I love everything about him or her. (I don’t like
everything but it is who she/he is and I can learn to
love
unconditionally.)
- We can talk about anything without conflict. (We have
learned to be honest with feelings and
opinions without
the need to be right or challenge each other.)
Don’t tell me you have a perfect relationship. Tell me you have a relationship that is
getting better every day because each of you are learning the skills necessary
to improve it.
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